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Codename Beef Stu: |
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10 Things That Really Piss Me Off - by STU 1. New York Fans Whiney. Loud. Obnoxious. Bitchy. No, I'm not talking about your girlfriend/wife around that fantastic time of the month… I'm talking about NY sports fans. First of all, they never shut up. They'll go on and on about how NY teams are the greatest and can't be beat… and then when they get their asses kicked, these stupid bastards make excuses and whine about how the other team just got lucky or how one of the players had a toe cramp or how interplanetary physics made them lose. Here's to you NY fan - SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! 2. Fat Girls (Subtitled "Girls Who Won't Shut Up About Their Weight") "I'm SOOOOOO fat!" "I can't eat that (insert any food here) or I'll gain 10 pounds!" "I ate a whole rice cake today - I feel so bloated!" Chances are you heard a variation of this statement before… and the girl was probably under 90 lbs. Listen women, if you are overweight in the least, trust us, we know. We don't need to hear about it every five seconds. So either shut you mouth (which is good because you won't be putting food in it), get out of my face and go work out, or open your mouth and do something useful… Here's to you fat girl - SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO USE IT!!! 3. Driving with Cell Phones Don't get me wrong here, cell phones are great (coordinating bar recon, arranging booty calls, and working out who is going to bail you out of jail as you're getting arrested), but I'm not talking about the usual uses. I'm talking about the girl driving right in front of you… driving 20 mph… in a $50,000 Lexus… and she's 16… and her license plate says "Princess"… and she's talking to her friend about what shoes she's going to wear tomorrow with her outfit… bitch. Here's to you cell phone user - GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE!!! 4. Boy Bands Do I really even need to go into this one? I think we all get the picture… Here's to you boy band - GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!! 5. Maryland Drivers Wow, you want to talk about the worst drivers on the east coast… well, welcome to Maryland! I didn't realize how utterly horrible MD drivers are until I moved out of state. Coming from someone who now lives in Jersey and drives an hour to work in traffic going into NYC, I can say with complete confidence that MD drivers are complete morons. It's the only state I've ever been in that all three lanes are going the same fucking speed at all time (50 mph)… and do you people know what "merge" means??? Here's to you MD driver - GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!!! 6. Political CorrectnessI don't know if you're with me on this one or not, but I'm tired of all this PC bullshit and pussyfooting around with offending the fragile feelings of "other people different than you". I want to find all you idiots who are calling me an "Irish American" or a "European American" and I want to punch you in your fucking face. I could care less if you called me a red-faced, whiskey drinking, potato eating, Mc, beer guzzling cracker. I'll laugh right in your face… and then I'll get another beer… Here's to you politically correct person - KISS MY FUCKING WHITE ASS!!! 7. Figure Skating First of all, ice skating IS NOT A SPORT! Sure, it's very difficult to perform the various techniques. And, yes, I don't think I could do a single thing that figure skaters do… but I don't give a shit! Take the Olympics for instance: Are you telling me that they aren't showing a hockey game because some sequin wearing, panty hose sporting wanker is dancing around an ice rink with some fat assed hoe with a fake smile? Give me a break. Here's to you figure skater - GET THE FUCK OFF THE ICE BEFORE I CROSSCHECK YOU IN THE TEETH!!! 8. Annoying Drunks Let me define "annoying drunk". Coming from one who's been drunk a couple of times, I'm not talking about the drunk who's all over the place doing stupid stuff and making an ass of themselves (because everyone needs entertainment)… which, on certain occasions, I've been known to be… either that or the self-destruct drunk… but I digress… anyway, I'm really talking about that drunk who is talking too much, hanging all over you or your significant other, and is alternating between crying and blissful happiness every two seconds. This is usually a person in which you have seriously devised a plan to render them unconscious. Here's to you annoying drunk - HURRY UP AND PASS THE FUCK OUT!!! 9. The BCS System The tradition of bowl games… Tradition? That's your key argument for using this outdated, problem infested, biased system? Why don't you get your head out of your ass and just use the damn tournament setup that ESPN was nice enough to devise that allows you to keep all those annoying corporate sponsors. Listen, you get your money; the rest of us get more football and a clear champion. Here's to you BCS System - STOP USING THE FUCKING COMPUTER!!! and the top thing that pisses me off... 10. The Fact That Brittany Spears Won't Pose For Playboy If anything I've written here has pissed you off… then GOOD! Fuck you! If you want to bitch and whine to me, then email me and I will personally respond to your ranting. |
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Suavalicious fashion is gonna drop the smooth "Big Daddy" shirt in the spring line. Blaze it for some pimp action status. ...................................... Ya still hungry? ... have more stew! 1. Power Hour 2. The "DO NOT" List 
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